Learn From It

Yesterday evening, quite a while after I got home from physical therapy I started to feel very very cold. But it wasn't cold. I thought I had a fever, but no fever. I thought it might be something I ate, but I hadn't eaten since lunchtime. By body was shuddering (more than just the chills, but less than convulsions) and shaking. It was slightly frightening.

So, curled up in a ball—insomuch as I even can, given my ongoing shoulder issues—I drew an afghan (the yarn kind) over me and ended up asleep for nearly three hours. The chills/tremors were gone, but my shoulder started pounding out some pain in waves not long after I woke.

I was awake until about six this morning, then awoke at about 10:30. Felt fine. Until we got in the car so Sam could drop me off in the Castro (I have been officially stir-crazy for about a week now, so getting out is a Good Thing™).

I was at Starbucks for a while—good place for people-watching and running into friends and acquaintances, but a lousy place for coffee or karma—then walked up to Sweet Inspiration, about 8 blocks' worth of walking. Even before I left Starbucks, though, I started to feel sore all over. Closest I can come to an analogy is having a sunburn and being exposed to the sun again, that uncomfortable pain/tingling experienced anew with each step as my clothing rubbed against my body.

That would have been just fine—or at least manageable—except that the body chills/shuddering started again. I took another anti-inflammatory dose of ibuprofen when I got here to Sweet Inspiration, but that was 45 minutes ago and I'm feeling only marginal relief from it. And, of course, it does nothing to abate the blossoms of pain from my shoulder which leap along nerve channels like a sprinter (I'm not above mixing floral and faunal imagery, children). To add to the fun, my hands are shaking now and I feel like I've got either 11 or 9 fingers when I type.

Aaaaand I've been taking neurontin 24/7 since about five days after the accident (today marks 8 weeks since GoBBy go BOOM). I hate that stuff, too. It feels like it shaves a good 30 IQ points off of me. Good thing I've got another 50 at least, left over.

Sometimes the pain is an annoyance, like a puppy nipping at your heels or a Jack Frost nipping at your nose (hey, it's Winter somewhere), but other times it's a menace and a threat, a schoolyard bully in the engineer boots that makes you cry when you know you shouldn't.

Jack Frost or Jackbooted, sometimes you can only wish it would go the fuck away already.

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