Learn From It

Today was a Billy Joel day. And by that I mean nothing more than I listened to Billy Joel albums for most of my work day. And usually I listen to it for reasons of familiarity, for, at this point, a staid background of right-sounding songs in front of which I can focus my mind on the tasks at hand, the tasks of the day.

So it was a bit of a surprise when one old song hit me in a rather new way. And in newness, I felt a little old. Not because of the song, and not because of how it hit me today. Not even about how I used to think of the song. But rather, in the large difference between how I thought of the song today and how I usually think of it.

The song is Vienna.

Slow down you crazy child
You're so ambitious for a juvenile
But then if you're so smart tell me why
You are still so afraid?
Where's the fire, what's the hurry about?
You better cool it off before you burn it out
You got so much to do and only
So many hours in a day

I used to be that person by choice. The subject, not the singer. I was a sturdy, industrious young man, the Alex P. Keaton of my class. Or at least I gave the appearance of being industrious. President of my High School Class. A-student. Student Council honorary appointment. Teacher-Student Committee. Not valedictorian or even salutatorian, but because I wasn't really as industrious as I looked. Things came easy to me. The grades, the votes of confidence. Didn't need to study so I had time for these other things. And making decisions was really the only real work to be done in any of those capacities. That and being visible. I loved being visible. Big fish, small pond kind of stuff, though. I think I knew that even then. In any event, I didn't really take it all so seriously that I would think of anything I was doing as “ultimate” or even “penultimate”.

But you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want
Or you can just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through
When will you realize...Vienna waits for you

Slow down you're doing fine
You can't be everything you want to be
Before your time
Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight (tonight)
Too bad but it's the life you lead
You're so ahead of yourself
That you forgot what you need
Though you can see when you're wrong
You know you can't always see when you're right(you're right)

Perfection is the thing I didn't have time for. I mean, who does? Well, many seemed to devote so much time to it. Oh, don't get me wrong, I was (was?) a sanctimonious asshole when it suited. Thank the goddess it didn't suit all that much. I mean, I did have a lot of really terrific friends. Or at least terrifically situational ones.

My grades were pretty good. Certainly envious of most of the ones in my class, even moreso by the fact that I did absolutely no lifting in order to end up with the 3.7-something or 3.8-something I got. My most treasured grade? A “C” (my only one) in Lew Isaacs' “modern history” class. I remember the John Birch Society pimping video tape that we had to watch. I remember finding the student editions of U.S. News & World Report to be a little bent away from what the local news and national news was telling us. It wasn't until much later that I'd found that The John Birch Society isn't just a bunch of happy patriots, that USN&WR isn't just like Time or Newsweek. But mostly, I remember thinking that at least people knew when I was being sanctimonious, versus his spineless stealth-mode whoring for the Republican Party (this was in 1982, for those of you keeping track).

You got your passion you got your pride
But don't you know that only fools are satisfied?
Dream on but don't imagine they'll all come true
When will you realize
Vienna waits for you

Slow down you crazy child
Take the phone off the hook and disappear for a while
It's alright you can afford to lose a day or two
When will you realize...
Vienna waits for you.

This is the part that really got to me. “Afford to lose a day or two”? Back then, no! Of course not! O, the Humanity! A day or two out of touch would cost me....would cost me....well, it would have been just too horrid to think of!

Ugh.

Today? Today, I'd love nothing more than to choose the fuck-all option, to kick off one or two months worth of time just to get away from it all. Sometimes it almost feels like I can't afford not to lose some time.

The Puritan Work Ethic is not what prevents me from taking off. On the contrary, all that time I had “off” during the dot-com-dot-bomb—and previously, another by-choice stint—cured me forever of the work-work-work “ethic”. That's why the Puritan Work Ethic exists at all: because it already exists and prevents people from the time away that's required in order to discover that the need to work for work's sake isn't really a valid position.

Sort of like “god”.

But you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want
Or you can just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through
Why don't you realize...Vienna waits for you
When will you realize...Vienna waits for you

Today I'm close to halfway through. I'd run the numbers by y'all, but frankly, I don't like to dip my qualitative wick too deep into the quantitative ink. It's unseemly! And? It leaves a stain.

Suffice it to say that I'm still the “crazy child” of the song, but like most things, it's a situational condition. The same crazy in two different situations can come off as brilliant or belligerent, as creative or cataleptic, as faithful or just plain fucked.

Vienna is Elysium. Elysium is the place, according to Greek Lore, where the gods conveyed the heroic after death. It's where words like “elude” and “elusion” come from—meaning 'to escape detection'. For those who've earned it.

You know, those who can afford to lose a day or two.

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